The Ultimate Adventure: An Important First Chapter

As the extraordinary Miss Jenna-sen woke up from her extra ordinary bed, she sleepily wondered about the other pivotal characters’ morning routines. Jeffrey the Totally Lame Vampire Slayer was most likely still sleeping with his taxidermized lover at his side, because apathy and passive aggression require a lot of energy. Aila Excellence was awake since dawn, baking cookies for her sloth roommates and groveling minions, as everyone knew. Miss Jenna-sen decided that she too would show ambition to the world, artistically, of course! After a wholesome breakfast of oatmeal and acknowledgement of her family through hugging, she mounted her teleporting unicorn.

“Onwards, my magical mode of transport!” she cried as triumphantly as one who possesses a unicorn might. The mystical unicorn mooed loudly and drew a circle with its horn, creating the portal Miss Jenna-sen knew would lead to her destination. With a deep inhale and jutted shoulder, the girl grabbed her taxidermized spirit animal and threw herself through herself through the portal and tumbled onto a flying carpet floating before a suburban house’s window. Peering into the glass panes, she knew her destiny at once. With clear effort, Miss Jenna-sen threw a toupéed and taxidermized eagle through Jeffrey’s bedroom window, scarring his soul permanently. Jeffrey’s taxidermized pink dolphin lover awoke with him, jealous of the new member in his bed party. With obvious anger, TPD proclaimed their need for separation. Helpless Jeffrey just responded by crying for a few hours and sunk to uncharted levels of depression.

Meanwhile, Jay had somehow overthrown Miss Jenna-sen’s hairspray company in search for her elusive spirit. (In case, you were wondering, Jay’s Taxidermized Spirit Animal is a baby chimpanzee with a loose eyeball, fez, and a matching cape.) The hairspray company called for Miss Jenna-sen immediately, knowing of her excellent unicorn pal. As she arrived at the headquarters, Miss Jenna-sen couldn’t have expected Jay to be waiting for her arrival, donning a newly stiffened hairdo.

But expecting the unexpected was her specialty.

“Why, Miss Jenna-sen! What a pleasant surprise!” Jay exclaimed loudly. Embarrassed, he cleared his throat. “I secretly am desperately in love with you, by the way.” He tacked on too softly and creepily.

“Oh, hello Jay! I didn’t notice you were here, possibly due to your Indian descent and unassuming sociopathic nature.” Miss Jenna-sen said. Jay uncomfortably doubted his parents’ numerous monotonous repetitions of “Don’t worry, women love call center guys.” It may have been unbeknownst to Miss Jenna-sen; but the mysterious pie, Jay, and Jeffrey were all madly in love with her.

Jay cleared his head as he tried to deny his severe depression. He tried to concentrate on something else but couldn’t help but think, “She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine. But how? I know- I’ll murder Jeffrey in his sleep!” Jay laughed cruelly for a few seconds before reaching for his asthma inhaler. Taking slow deep breaths through his pink sparkly flowered inhaler, he regretted his puny giggles and quickly nursed himself to health. This incident and many others only enforced the well-known fact that he had no foresight, despite his many puny protests. After all, it would be expected that a vampire slayer would be difficult to kill. Besides that, Jay also lacked general self-awareness, or else he would have realized that when he concocted evil plots, he stared creepily into Miss Jenna-sen’s eyes. She didn’t take it personally because she banished him to the patronizing friend/acquaintance zone. At that moment, Jeffrey the Totally Lame Vampire Slayer detected a nefarious thought from Jay- a lady stealing thought!

Evil hand rubs and mustache twiddling,

Aila